#30 RE Prospecting - The One You Feed Will Grow...

Hi ,

I got a message last week from an agent who told me she was thinking about quitting. She'd been in the business for eight months. No closings. Her savings were running low. And she said something that stuck with me: "I just don't think I'm cut out for this." I've heard that phrase a few times over my two decades in this industry. And every time I hear it, I know the real problem isn't what they think it is. It's not the market. It's not their broker. It's not even their lead generation. The battle they're losing is happening between their ears. And until they understand that, nothing else is going to change.

Here's what nobody wants to tell you about this business: seventy-one percent of real estate agents didn't close a single transaction last year. Not one. And the stat everyone throws around, eighty-seven percent of agents fail within their first five years, isn't because of bad markets or tough competition. It's because most agents quit on themselves before the business ever had a chance to quit on them. 

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck spent decades studying why some people succeed while others with the same ability fail. She found that people with what she calls a "growth mindset" consistently outperform those who believe their abilities are fixed. When researchers looked at brain scans, people with fixed mindsets showed zero activity when reviewing their mistakes. Their brains literally shut down. But people with growth mindsets? Their brains lit up when they saw errors. They were processing, learning, adapting. That's the difference between the agent who hears "no" and thinks "I'm not good enough" versus the agent who hears the same rejection and asks "What can I learn from this?"

But mindset alone won't build a business. You need a system that keeps you in front of people in a way that feels human, not salesy. I've watched too many agents burn out because they're chasing transactions instead of building relationships. Think about what homeowners actually worry about: maintenance, repairs, improvements, protection, finances, life transitions, and their neighborhood. Seven real concerns that have nothing to do with buying or selling right now, but everything to do with trusting an agent when that time comes. When the water heater dies at 10pm, are you the first call? When they're thinking about renovating the kitchen, do they reach out before spending $40,000 on upgrades that will only return $15,000? When life changes, a new baby, aging parents, a job relocation, are you already in the conversation, or are you scrambling to catch up? I’ve mentioned this before in a couple of the past newsletters, that the agents who thrive aren't the ones with the biggest ad budgets. They're the ones who show up consistently with value, who take the mental load off their clients, who become the trusted resource for everything related to the home.

So where do you start? Go where the consumer already is. Not where you wish they were. Not where they were five years ago. Start with one platform and show up there consistently. Talk about local news and community events, not market stats nobody asked for. Create something worth giving away: a neighborhood guide with real information about commute times, where the good coffee is, what the schools are actually like. Run open houses and turn them into prospecting engines by doorknocking the neighborhood beforehand, not to pitch, but to have conversations and build your newsletter list. And here's the piece most agents skip: your newsletter shouldn't be a list of your listings. It should be local business spotlights, market updates specific to their streets, community events, and the occasional coming-soon property. You're not marketing. You're informing through value that’s important to the local reader. That's the difference between an agent people tolerate and an agent people refer.

I told that agent who messaged me to do one thing for the next thirty days: catch every negative thought. Every time she heard the voice of doubt, I asked her to write it down and rewrite it. "I can't" becomes "I'm learning." "I failed" becomes "I discovered what doesn't work." "I'm not good enough" becomes "I'm getting better every day." I know what some of you are thinking while reading that… that’s it? Tristan, that's simple and won’t move the needle, well let me remind you that how you talk to yourself silently shows up publicly. Change begins internally. 

Six months from now, when someone on that street decides to sell, they won't Google "real estate agent." They'll think of the person who showed up, knew the neighborhood, and kept showing up in their inbox with things they actually wanted to read. 

The agents who win this game aren't the ones with the best market, the best leads, or the best luck. They're the ones who mastered what's between their ears first, then built systems to stay connected to people who matter. Your mindset is either your greatest asset or your biggest liability. 

Which one is it gonna be? I leave you with a story I used to share with my kids when they were small… The story begins with a grandfather sharing a profound lesson with his grandson. He tells the boy that within every person, there exists a battle between two wolves. One wolf embodies all that is good and virtuous, while the other represents negativity and malevolence.

• The good wolf: symbolizes love, kindness, compassion, humility, and peace.

• The evil wolf: represents anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, and fear.

The grandson, curious about this internal conflict, asks his grandfather which wolf will win. The grandfather responds, “The one you feed.”

Keep building,